Birthday Boogey

It was my birthday two days ago! The big old 2-0!! Hasn't really hit my yet that I am gone with the excuse of being a teenager...

I had such an incredible day- the night before my birthday one of my best chums Elliot came down from Durham for a bit of a party.  This just absolutely made it and made me feel so special that he was willing to come down for it! Things did get a bit silly.....

I had such a wonderful night and was feeling on top of the world- I'm sure it had something to do with the copious cocktails consumed but mainly being surrounded by some of my closest friends and letting our hair down.

The next day we groggily awoke and went to the local cafe and got a full fry up. YUM. Then I sadly bid Elliot farewell and lazily hung around until my next set of guests came.  My sister, one of my oldest friends Mima and my dad came to take me and a couple of friends out for dinner.  This was really really lovely as we were treated to a top notch restaurant and copious amounts of nosh and good wine.  It sounds cheesy I know but I really felt surrounded by love on my birthday.

Since all the family and friends have disappeared and life has had to turn to reality I have been a bit sad, but not long now until home for Christmas!  Thank you to everyone for making this birthday the best I could have had.

Negativity

This post doesn't really fit with the other ones that I've done so far- but I really felt the urge to write it.  Its 2.52am and I've been receiving some pretty aggressive texts from someone that I once considered closest to me.  Of course it is only natural for me to be upset by this- its hurtful and being accused of things is never nice to deal with.  It has made me realise though that I can not go on dealing with this.

I am a very emotional person and I often over-think and over-worry about what people think.  This has really sent me into a tunnel of negativity for the past year now and left me feeling deflated and rubbish about myself.  But why?  Why even let these feelings and experiences happen and get the better of me?  I need to focus on the positive in life more- me, myself and I.  There is no need for negativity and negative people to be in my life.  Last year I had some pretty nasty encounters with a number of aggressive people and it really affected me, more than I realised at the time.  This is stopping now.  For me to be truly happy with myself I cannot put up with these feelings anymore.

Of course it is inevitable that I will probably have a falling out or clash with someone in the future, but for now there is no space in my life for people that go out purposefully to hurt you.  There should not be room in anyone's life for that.  And it should not upset me.  If anything, people hurting me is only going to make me a stronger person.  Surrounding myself with positivity is part of an attempt to be happier in myself.  My sister said I needed a bit of a 'reinvention'- this wasn't meant in a nasty way, and she's right.  Away with the old K that got down about the smallest things and was constantly negative about life.  Noone wants to hear that and it doesn't help me in any way.

I know this change is not going to happen overnight but it will happen.  I really need this, I really need to be happier with myself.

Sorry for the rant if anyone is reading this.

Home

I went home to Scotland this week- it has been HEAVEN.  I always forget how lovely it is to come home every night to a clean house with my big bed, no noise and copious amounts of seriously good food.  This time, Iona came home for the weekend, and even though we only got to spend one full day together it was so nice to be almost reunited- not forgetting Fergus of course!  Poor Ferg is at school and trying to juggle playing Scotland rugby (I know!) and work towards his GCSE exams.

This week I have caught up with some family friends, slept so much and really recharged my batteries.  I love Leeds, I do, but I was getting stressed out, overtired and quite irrational so it was lucky that my reading week was at the right time!  Now I am ready to go back and face another five weeks of uni work, partying and I guess more work.  What is making me really excited is the idea of the German Christmas Market in Leeds- it is so beautiful and fun.

Heres a picture from last year:

However excited I am for the market- I have had a really nice time at home.  Dad and I went shopping one day- if you knew us you would know that we are probably both the worst shoppers in history!  We did manage to squeeze purchasing some items, having lunch and watching Captain Philips into an afternoon so we were quite pleased with ourselves.  Captain Philips is AMAZING, its a complete must-see.  

Tomorrow I am off to stay with Iona in Newcastle for a night... what in god's name have I let myself in for?!

Halloween

I actually find Halloween a bit of an anti-climax each year- if it was up to me I would prefer everyone to stay in and play bobbing for apples and that donut on the string game.  I live in the countryside so when I was younger we would wander round a couple of houses dressed as pumpkins and get a handful of sweets and that would be it- which I was more than happy with!  Don't get me wrong, I still had a really fun night and was really happy to spend time with lots of different friends and I enjoyed going out, but I couldn't help the nagging feeling I had the whole night that I would have had more fun playing spooky games at someone's house the whole night.  Do I sound really boring? Probably.

Some of my friends dressed to impress however which was really cool.  Heres a couple of the outfits:

So I am the one dressed as Miley Cyrus!  It was actually a good outfit for the night as I felt comfy and it was SO easy! Although I lost my foam finger...... 

I have just come home for the week and I am unbelievably happy to be back and to relax.  Yesterday I watched my younger brother play rugby and today I had a BIIIIIG lie-in and it felt great.  The last two weeks of uni have been a bit dark for me, just because of big deadlines so I felt that I was living a very unsociable life in the library!  On Friday I am going down to Newcastle to visit my sister- who has just started there so that will be great fun.  In addition to all these exciting things the sun is shining...in Scotland- who would have thought?