HEYA

Holy maknamoleeeey, I completely forgot to do anything in this for such a SUPER DUPER long time!

This is part of my NY resolution (along with getting my legs waxed more frequently, being a more civilised drunk, and decreasing my consumption of chocolate).  So far, I haven't blogged yet, haven't had a leg wax, have increased chocolate consumption dramatically and have completely embarrassed myself at every event that involves alcohol.

I have had some pretty cool experiences since I last blogged.  I visited India THREE times last year which is so incredibly amazing.  I went with the fam in January, by myself for dissertation research in September, and with my geog pals at xmas.  Despite the fact that I visited similar areas each time, each visit was so different in terms of the people I met and experiences I had.  I know this sounds shuper cheesy but each time was such an eye-opener.

I also went skiing at NY with the fam/family friends in Alpbach, Austria.  Alpbach is a tiny resort roughly 3 hours drive from Munich airport.  We celebrated New Year, my lil sis turning 20, AND my mum turning 50 in the space of a week...safe to say it was a bit of a party.  Skiing during the xmas hols is so much fun and we were so lucky with the snow.  It was great to catch up with my cousins and spent some quality fam time together- it is so crazy that we are all at such different stages in our lives and get on so well.

Anyhoo, back to uni I am.  It's been okay, I am in my final year and with only 4 months left the pressure is ramping up!  I am really really looking forward to summer/ moving onto a really exciting chapter in my life- I am ready for it!  What else to tell you??  Despite telling myself that the new year= new me, I am still addicted to Peanut Butter, retreating to bed at 9.30pm and obsessed with button down pjs.  I have got really into reading a few blogs, I find them relaxing and soothing in a weird way.  My current fav is Molly Yeh's blog... it is SO COOL.  Literally leaves me drooling everytime.

OH and I have started a new workout plan! It is my housemate's plan that she bought from some girl on instagram... it is FUCKING hard lemme tell you! I used to pride myself in the fact that I can drag myself out for a run or spin session, but these are tough. I mean situps?! pressups?! ab work in general?!?!
Sorry rant over. I'm off.

08/05/2014 8.39PM

Don't really know why I am writing this post.... I am really sorry if anyone actually reads this blog as it is literally just my random, jumbled, confused, messed up ramblings!  I'm sitting on my bed in my room in Leeds.

I had SUCH a stressful day yesterday trying to sort my work out...turnitin (the online submitting process that my university uses) was being an absolute nightmare and I got myself in a complete tizz.  Luckily my stuff was submitted and done so thats good!  I got asked to do a presentation at a University conference for postgraduates next year about gender violence (my dissertation subject)!  Really exciting and touching to have been asked.

Heading off to London for a 'weekend getaway' with my pal Eliza.  Will be really nice just to escape for a while... I know it sounds weird since I've only been back for a week but it has been very intense what with work and the severe lack of people living in my house now.  At least I know that next week I will be extremely productive and sort my life out... I hope!

I'm so silly, I stress out about the most ridiculous things ever- have been having wee panic attacks all day about so many different things- summer plans, internships, module enrolment, life generally!  I guess that is why I am writing here, I find it really soothing just to be able to write everything out, its a way that I can say how I am feeling without worrying that people will judge me.  (Please don't judge me I am not a pyscho I promise!).


It was my little brother's first day of GCSE exams today.  How crazy is that?! It feels like only last week that I was sitting them! I know you're going to think that I am complete freak when I say this but I loved GCSE year... it was so much fun! I mean, the work sucked but it was when I suddenly started to feel like I was finally growing up.  Thats another weird thing, I have always wanted to grow up- be older than I am. Weird eh?!

EASTER!

Haven't written here in SO LONG. But hey, I am going to get back on it.

I am nearing the end of a fantastico Easter holiday break, not going to lie that these last couple of days are going quite slowly as I've realised how much work I have to do...!

My Easter began with a week in Serbia on a Geography fieldtrip.  I was surprised when I got there because it wasn't what I imagined at all.  Despite being the second poorest country in Europe and common misconceptions, I thought that a large majority of it was beautiful.  We were based in Belgrade and focusing on the 'urban planning' of the city.  The impact of both the Socialist and Austro-Hungarian periods is evident- with Socialist housing being the main feature of the city.  Whether you are euro-railing or wanting to get away, I recommend a trip there- cheap accomodation, beer and a fun nightlife...what more could a student want?!

I then came back home to Scotland where I chilled out, catching up with old friends, before making the short journey over to Belfast for Easter weekend with the cousins.  It was so nice to see them and spend time with them...its so difficult now when we are all in different stages of our life!  The weather was amazing so we had BBQs outside and played tennis- I even contemplated going swimming in the sea, but soon realised that would have been a big mistake!

Now back to uni for the last three weeks of work, work and work! I'm sure I will post again soon with all my moaning etc!

Christmas pondering

Wow it feels like ages since I've written here, sorry guys but its another personal one ...


For the past two weeks I've been working in Aberdeen answering calls and filing for a family friend's company.  It's been a bit of a rollercoaster really- I start at 7am which I am still finding tough! But then I finish early afternoon so it could be worse.  I am staying with other family friends so when I come home after work I pick up their three kids from school, give them dinner and read them bed-time stories.  Feel quite grown-up really!! Not really seen many friends or done anything very exciting so really looking forward to finishing in two days and really getting into the Christmas spirit!

Since I've been by myself quite alot I've been able to think about things that I normally only really think about in the evening just before I fall asleep.  It's funny because I haven't really been recognising that its Christmas so soon- I think I am becoming immune to the Christmas songs and lavish decorations up here in Aberdeen!  Instead, I've been thinking alot about New Year and moving on into 2014.  Naturally, with thinking about moving forward into a new chapter in your life it always means reflecting on previous ones.  2013 has been a successful year for me in many respects- passed my driving test, more than halfway through my university degree, travelled to the other side of the world by myself and made friends with people from so many different countries.  However, I have also done things that I am disappointed with myself by.  I don't want to say that I regret them as I don't think that it is healthy to constantly regret previous mistakes, but I recognise where I have gone wrong.  I am really looking forward to moving on into 2014 and seeing it as a completely clean slate.  No history, no previous experiences weighing me down- but instead making me a more confident and experienced person.   Yes, if I went back in time now I would do many things differently, but I can't.  I am sad in some respects as I feel that I have lost some important friendships, but maybe thats just the way it is meant to be.

When I was in Indonesia I became really interested in Buddhism and the ideology behind it.  Everything happens for a reason and life is too short to hold grudges or treat people unfairly.  Who knows what you'll be in the next life.

Merry Christmas, I hope it is truly wonderful and that you are surrounded by your loved ones.

Birthday Boogey

It was my birthday two days ago! The big old 2-0!! Hasn't really hit my yet that I am gone with the excuse of being a teenager...

I had such an incredible day- the night before my birthday one of my best chums Elliot came down from Durham for a bit of a party.  This just absolutely made it and made me feel so special that he was willing to come down for it! Things did get a bit silly.....

I had such a wonderful night and was feeling on top of the world- I'm sure it had something to do with the copious cocktails consumed but mainly being surrounded by some of my closest friends and letting our hair down.

The next day we groggily awoke and went to the local cafe and got a full fry up. YUM. Then I sadly bid Elliot farewell and lazily hung around until my next set of guests came.  My sister, one of my oldest friends Mima and my dad came to take me and a couple of friends out for dinner.  This was really really lovely as we were treated to a top notch restaurant and copious amounts of nosh and good wine.  It sounds cheesy I know but I really felt surrounded by love on my birthday.

Since all the family and friends have disappeared and life has had to turn to reality I have been a bit sad, but not long now until home for Christmas!  Thank you to everyone for making this birthday the best I could have had.

Negativity

This post doesn't really fit with the other ones that I've done so far- but I really felt the urge to write it.  Its 2.52am and I've been receiving some pretty aggressive texts from someone that I once considered closest to me.  Of course it is only natural for me to be upset by this- its hurtful and being accused of things is never nice to deal with.  It has made me realise though that I can not go on dealing with this.

I am a very emotional person and I often over-think and over-worry about what people think.  This has really sent me into a tunnel of negativity for the past year now and left me feeling deflated and rubbish about myself.  But why?  Why even let these feelings and experiences happen and get the better of me?  I need to focus on the positive in life more- me, myself and I.  There is no need for negativity and negative people to be in my life.  Last year I had some pretty nasty encounters with a number of aggressive people and it really affected me, more than I realised at the time.  This is stopping now.  For me to be truly happy with myself I cannot put up with these feelings anymore.

Of course it is inevitable that I will probably have a falling out or clash with someone in the future, but for now there is no space in my life for people that go out purposefully to hurt you.  There should not be room in anyone's life for that.  And it should not upset me.  If anything, people hurting me is only going to make me a stronger person.  Surrounding myself with positivity is part of an attempt to be happier in myself.  My sister said I needed a bit of a 'reinvention'- this wasn't meant in a nasty way, and she's right.  Away with the old K that got down about the smallest things and was constantly negative about life.  Noone wants to hear that and it doesn't help me in any way.

I know this change is not going to happen overnight but it will happen.  I really need this, I really need to be happier with myself.

Sorry for the rant if anyone is reading this.

Home

I went home to Scotland this week- it has been HEAVEN.  I always forget how lovely it is to come home every night to a clean house with my big bed, no noise and copious amounts of seriously good food.  This time, Iona came home for the weekend, and even though we only got to spend one full day together it was so nice to be almost reunited- not forgetting Fergus of course!  Poor Ferg is at school and trying to juggle playing Scotland rugby (I know!) and work towards his GCSE exams.

This week I have caught up with some family friends, slept so much and really recharged my batteries.  I love Leeds, I do, but I was getting stressed out, overtired and quite irrational so it was lucky that my reading week was at the right time!  Now I am ready to go back and face another five weeks of uni work, partying and I guess more work.  What is making me really excited is the idea of the German Christmas Market in Leeds- it is so beautiful and fun.

Heres a picture from last year:

However excited I am for the market- I have had a really nice time at home.  Dad and I went shopping one day- if you knew us you would know that we are probably both the worst shoppers in history!  We did manage to squeeze purchasing some items, having lunch and watching Captain Philips into an afternoon so we were quite pleased with ourselves.  Captain Philips is AMAZING, its a complete must-see.  

Tomorrow I am off to stay with Iona in Newcastle for a night... what in god's name have I let myself in for?!